HALLOWEEN XVII: Attack of Dyson, the Mommy-Eating Beast

Starring me, Maggie as Me, Maggie
Rated G

One day I was minding my own business, digging a little hole to put my little rawhid bone in so I could dig it up again later for a soft, soily snack, I heard a thunderous noise coming from inside the house. "Oh no! Mommy is in there all by herself!" I cried, and dashed inside to her rescue.

Then I saw it. It was big. It was yellow. It had tubes, bristles, lights, hoses and wheels. It was a sight so terrible, so grotesque, my little body trembled with fear and the hairs on my back stood straight on end. It was...

...it WAS...



Dyson, The Mommy-Eating Beast!

I don't know where it came from or why it was here, but I did know that this creature was angry; there no doubt about that. Mommy's hand was trapped and the monster pushed her to and fro. I could see her trying to pull the monster away from me, but I was not scared. I was a very brave beagle.



BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! I yelped, trying to scare it away with my ferocious roar. But it did not run away. It ran closer to me, Mommy still stuck in its grasp.

I barked my fiercest bark in hopes to free Mommy from the grip of its handle. The beast moaned louder, and came rolling my way.



Forget that! There is only one thing you can do in situations like these. Run! Run far, far away my pups. Beware the Mommy-Eating Beast. I'm pretty sure it will go after a dog if it's hungry enough.



And I ran. I ran so far away.

THE END


Coming Soon to Theaters Near You:
Halloween XVIII: Revenge of the Angry Giant Poker


*puppy licks*

I Want To Go Out

But I am in. I can not open the door. I need my Mommy to let me out. Here she comes now.


"Mommy, let me out."

Ok good. I am out. La la la. But wait, where is Mommy? Oh no! Mommy is in!


"Mommy! Let me in!"

*Whew* That was close. Now I am in. But wait--I still want to go out! What will I do now? I am in and I want to be out!


"Mommy! Mommy! Let me OUT!"

That's better. Except... where is Mommy? Oh. No. No no no no no no no. Mommy is IN! How did she do that?


Mommy! LET! ME! IN! Let me in!

Aaaah, here I am, I am in with Mommy. La la la. I am in. I am in--but my bone is out. I left my bone out! Oh no! "Mommy!"


"Oh Mommy... oh plllllllease let me out!"

I could do this all day.

P.S. My Mommy has posted a drawing of me and her today.

P.P.S. I have a new friend! Her name is Sierra, and I think we have a lot in common--including the white spot on our noses! Today is her Mommy's birthday. Happy Birthday Jen!

*puppy licks*

Letting the Sleeping Dog Lie

I will have new pictures and stories for you tomorrow. Mommy is sick and is not feeling very ambitious. I may be a puppy, but I think she may be a bigger baby than me!

*puppy licks*

Sick as a Dog

That's right, I am sick. My belly has not been very nice to me in the past week. But you know what? It's not so bad. You know why? Because now I know that when I'm sick, I get boiled chicken and rice all day. That's real chicken, pups! Not that stuff that says it is chicken but looks like dog food. This is people chicken. And I don't have to tell you how much better people chicken is than dog food.

Why am I sick, you wonder? There are many theories, but nothing is certain. Some say it was the new treats Mommy got from Trader Joe's. Others say it was the soggy egg roll I found in the backyard on Wednesday (a raccoon left it for me--how nice). But it seems the conclusion will be that my regular dog food has gone rotten. It's a really big bag and it's been open for a while.

You see, when Mommy started to mix a little of my regular dog food in with my people food yesterday, I got sick again. I could feel it coming so I cried for Mommy at 1:45 in the middle of the night. She came right downstairs and let me out of my Cave. We went outside and I got sick all over the place. Then Mommy stayed up with me while she cooked more rice and spoke sweetly and softly to me. Then we curled up on the sofa together which was total Beagle bliss. Then at 4:50 in the morning Daddy came downstairs looking for Mommy. Dog-gonnit. Back I went into my Cave, and back Mommy went upstairs. But not for long--I was up 'n adam bright and early at 6:15, and I let everyone in the house know it. When we went outside the moon was still shining high in the sky.

Don't get me wrong--being sick does not feel nice. My whole body is unhappy, except for the taste buds on my tongue when I'm lapping up lickfuls of boiled chicken and rice. Mommy also offers me chipped ice to crunch on but I'm not sold on that yet. I wait to see her eat a piece before I take one myself. I want to make sure it lives up to her people food standards first. We wouldn't want me to make a mess again, now would we?

*puppy licks*

You deserve a big Beagle kiss!

Oh oh oh, thank you thank you thank you to all who have donated to the Main Line Rescue, and thank you all for reading up on this case and offering your comments. How can you all be so good and be in the same species as the people who neglect their animals?

Well, let's get happy. After all, I turned 6 Months Old this week! I'm a big girl now!

And it is October. Mommy says this is one of her favorite months in the whole year. Oh boy oh boy! Whatever could that mean? What is in it for me? Treats?

I'll do a trick if you give me a treat!


I'll roll over for you if it is a really good one.

Hey, can I tell you a secret?

I really love my Mommy. You know why? Because she lights up when she sees me, she laughs and jumps and plays, she rolls around on the floor and kisses my face. It doesn't matter what I look like that day, or how my breath smells, or how many poops she had to clean up. She loves me, un-con-ditional-llally. No matter what.

It's great to have a Mommy.

*puppy licks*