If I told Andrew this story, he’d say, “Bah! You’re just like your mom.” You’re cringing, aren’t you. You know that this is something you never say to a girl without expecting an ugly rebuttal. I would gladly spend an hour trying to convince him otherwise, breaking him down until he throws up his hands in surrender and says “I’m sorry! You’re right! I take it back!” Thatta boy.
So lets just avoid all that messiness and I’ll tell you instead.
Intuition is a strange little thing. It’s that little voice inside your head. You’ve got one and you know it. I’ve got one too but she has had a sock stuck in her mouth for a few years to many (“more like, 27 or 28…”). Ah, there she is. Recently I’ve been dislodging the sock, and it’s been a meticulous thread-by-thread operation rather than a quick and painless gesture. No wonder she’s wildly impatient. Impatient and adventurous, and making up for lost time. She seems to enjoy long car rides, because that’s when she has the most to say. And since she bores easily she won’t let me take the same route twice and she begs for me to explore different backroads and get lost for a while.
You know what? I think I’ll call her “Snowbird.” That was my nickname when I was very very small.
So I was driving out to lunch today with burritos on my mind. A nice big fat Santa Fe Burrito is all I wanted. Maybe I could get some To Do lists done at the same time. I was at the light that you pass through to go to the burrito place, and suddenly I made a right instead of going straight. Huh? “Go home for lunch!” demanded Snowbird. I admit, I kind of heard this at work on the way out to my car but I dismissed it. Not now. “I’m taking you home for lunch. Just trust me.” So I oblige and take the extra 10 minute drive to my house. As I approach my street I figure it out. Aack!!! I almost forgot! I have to call Jill and Jack* today!
“You did forget, you know. Not almost.” Silly me.
I step inside my home and panic a bit. There were two self-marketing phone calls to make to two potential clients who have expressed interest in my art. It was quite frightening. Uhhh, do I have their phone numbers? I think. Maybe I left them at work. “Don’t you even try that, Kate, you know you have them in that book. We both know it!” Crap. I can’t get away with anything anymore. All because I took that sock out of her mouth. I’ve let her speak and now she won’t shut up, especially when I’d rather be doing fun things like watching tv and–
Snowbird will not allow me to procrastinate any longer.
I look up the phone numbers. I make a list of questions I need to ask. I sit down at the dining room table and make the first call. Please let me get her voicemail! I pray. “Hello this is Jill.” Fnargh. Snowbird sits in the chair in the corner and listens quietly, swinging her dangling feet. The conversation goes well. I stumbled a little here and there, but when it is over I feel really good.
Snowbird does a little victory dance.
Ok. Next I must call Jack. This one is a little tougher. It’s been a long time since I spoke to Jack so it is bound to be bunglesome. I feel Snowbird throw a hard glance at me so I dial the number, speak to the receptionist and get transferred to Jack’s voicemail. Phew! Thank God for voicemail.
I forage around the kitchen for something to eat. We haven’t been food shopping in a while. If I wanted a beer I’d have my choice of 4 varieties, but there’s no lunch meat, no leftovers, nothing easy to make. Snowbird tugs on my sweater. My cell phone is ringing, or, errr…clucking (yes, my cell phone clucks like a chicken) in the living room. My heart plunges to my stomach and bounces up into my throat. Caller ID tells me it’s Jack.
Ok, so this phone call is way more uncomfortable because Jack is so completely laid back and at this point I am so completely nervous that I ramble on senselessly and even laugh at my own jokes. I must have learned that from the Crazymakers. But despite my anxiety and desperation I get through the call without blurting out “please, please PLEEEEASE give me some work! I can do it! I promise!” Plus he’s asked me to email him. Jack’s such a nice man that it’s silly for me to be so scared. I hang up and Snowbird grins ear to ear. I let out a deep sign and we both giggle.
“Thank you thank you thank you!” I exclaim in gratitude. “Where would I be without you?”
Snowbird says casually “Oh, I don’t know,” and rolls her eyes to the ceiling like she’s known it all along, how couldn’t I? Ok, so I do know. Without my listening to my intuition, without letting her speak, I’d be back where I was at my unhappiest hour. Very alone.
On the way back to work I stop at Santa Fe Burrito and get a chicken and cheese burrito to go. Snowbird made a few more suggestions (since I was “finally listening”) and asked to listen to Tori Amos so she could sing along… really loud.
* Names have been changed to protect myself from embarrassment.
